“Bernie Damn Sanders” Rap

Matt Orfalea
2 min readApr 9, 2020


The sequel to “Bernie Bongo” that never got to be made.

Put your hands up for Bernie Damn Sanders
We’re Thor, Bernie’s a damn hammer
But don’t put faith in one man cause
It’s us, not him, Bernie Damn Sanders

Medicare for all? He wrote the damn bill
Cause as it is now we can’t afford a damn chill pill
Lead by example, damn right he will
He gives so many damns that his hands can’t stand still

Millennials and old across the whole globe
all know Bernie’s bolder than Biden or Beto
He explains climate change is our greatest foe
With a roid rage like Jose Canseco

No I don’t care that he’s so damn old
You seen the video of him running in the metro?
The man’s mind runs faster than Ocho Cinco
But no, Ya can’t say the same thing about Joe…

Ya he’s more repetitive than techno
And all the other candidates just echo
What Bernie Damn Sanders said decades ago
He’s the original progressive hero, yo

He’s a wise damn badass like Gandolf
Got laughed at, but now he leads like Rudolph
Finally a man with plan when there’s problems to solve
Who won’t waste any damn time, playing damn golf

Sanders always opposed the damn war in Iraq
Blasted it loud like damn John Cussak
While Trump on Iraq was weak & abstract!
He only opposed it AFTER we attacked!

Bernie got Dems and Repubs to end
U.S. support of war in Yemen
But guess what? Trump vetoed it.
That’d have turned out different with a Bernie President

Damn, for-profit insurance is damn absurd
Medicare for all is the damn answer
So your damn ma or pa can treat their damn cancer
without becoming a panhandler

The profit motive’s good in some instances
But you don’t need to be a socialist to notice
Private insurance is a goddam bitch
Cause profiting off misery is bullshit

Cut damn students debts, protect forests
Increase damn wages to afford damn rents
and Medicare 4 All just makes damn sense
Bernie gives more damns than Martin Lawrence

And he never gave a damn about your race or faith
Never gave a damn if you’re gay or straight
And he never gave a damn about your age
But he sure has it in for them greedy damn banks